#unexpected
Yesterday was the first time I let someone else drive the rental car to or from Portland. Definitely unexpected. I was exhausted and opted to sleep most of the five and half our drive south while my cohorts chatted away about classrooms and literacy circles.
We were coming back from ITSC 2012 (#itsc12), there in Portlandia. I’ve been going for about four years now and I have always preached to the interwebs and the twitters that it gets better each year. This year was no different — by far the best year yet. What sets ITSC apart is the sense of community that accompanies the sessions and workshops. It literally encompasses the entire conference.
As a part of the conference’s evolution, this year’s program included a Soirée of Slides. The premise was based on the Ignite style presentations — five minutes, 20 slides, 15 second transitions. I had known about it for some time. I had several ideas fermenting in my mind but none of them called to me. So I procrastinated like any other overworked and underslept human being. I prepared most of the slides at the hotel, between sessions and the many late night hangouts.
But where was I going to go with it? I had no idea. Well, that’s a lie. I had a couple ideas, but wasn’t sure which direction to take. I had the fortune of having dinner at Tim Lauer‘s house with several of the ITSC cast. And that’s where I met Rushton Hurley. We shared our plans for the Soirée and he convinced me that my two ideas were not entirely separate, but parallel and powerful.
See for yourself.
It was a special story that I had to share this past Tuesday. I still get emotional when I think of the compassion and generosity of Ivy — her immediate willingness to give of her own to someone that may never understand what all this means now to so many.
My student was at school today. I still wasn’t sure how I was going to approach the situation and my (our, thanks Jen and Ivy) plan for a book drive. She met me in the principal’s office. I asked the school counselor to be there as well. Just the three of us. We sat almost knee to knee, her and I. And we began to talk. I asked her about the recent events. We discussed her thought process over the past several months and what had happened to so many books. He answer was simple. She didn’t know. She was not sure why she took the books other than that she wanted to read them. She talked about taking books that she thought her two year-old sister would like to hear or books that she could share with her neighbors. As the conversation went on I could see in her eyes that she really did not know what she had done was “wrong”; that the currency she had used to buy social interactions was not earned but stolen.
My heart broke again. This time, however, it was because I knew my reaction was the right one. Her eyes grew larger and brighter as I explained what her new responsibility would be in light of this situation. She said things like, “I’ve never done that before.” and “I get to be in-charge?”, and “I wonder who else would want to help.” So starting Monday, she will head our community book drive and organize a book-trade in which anyone can take or leave a book.
She may not have left the room fully understanding the moral dilema she perpetuated, but instead she left knowing that there is a better way to share her love for books with others.
As I stood up to hug this little girl my eyes met the teary eyes of our school counselor. Just moments before this meeting, she had asked the usual questions regarding punishments, detentions, and possible suspension for stealing. The unexpectedness of it all was more than she anticipated. She then saw what I saw — a little girl that already lived in a world of turmoil and confusion. Today was our opportunity to bring her out of that world, if only for a moment, and empower her instead of the expected belittling we so often justify.
I think my heart grew yesterday and even more today. I may need a bigger sleeve to wear it on after all this.
To do the unexpected leaves us vulnerable; vulnerable to unwanted criticism; vulnerable to the judgements of our peers; sets us up for failure; and often challenges tradition. That’s why as teachers, as humans, we often live for the predictable. We crave habit. It’s easy. It’s comfortable. I could have raised hell, I could have had the principal, SRO, and parents all in there to yell at her. That was the expected response; the easy way out for anyone involved, except for her.
And that’s why the unexpected can be so powerful. Today a little girl walked out ready to serve instead of walking out afraid of what awaited her.
Do something unexpected. Empower in place of belittle or be-bored. Only you can make that choice. You might like it, whether you expect it or not.
I am impressed. Wish my kids could have you as a teacher.
Thank you. I think it is more about creating a culture of teachers that use their heart more often. But I’m sure I’d be fortunate to have your kids
Jeremy,
The way you handled this situation truly was one of selflessness and altruism. We live in a society where people do us wrong and we must have justice. We need to see them punished and the scores settled. For some reason it’s no longer okay for people to make mistakes or be given the chance to mend them. You saw an opportunity for love and grace. It is admirable and the students and staff at your school are so incredibly fortunate to have you in their presence each day. Continue to extend that grace and forgiveness to others. It has an effect that will reach farther than you will ever know. It will take on a life in that girl and within that counselor and keep propagating. That is the beauty of it. Just like you look back on your 5th grade teacher for giving you the opportunity to be a writer, that girl will look back on her fifth grade teacher and remember the opportunity you gave her to be a leader and help others. Teachers like you are why I am proud to be in this profession, and the actions you showed in this situation are why I am proud to call you a friend.
Your edubro,
tim
Love and grace…I like that line TIm. While I wish this was a normal reaction for me, I try each day to see each situation with a new lens. My students live in a world in which I have little experience. I have to have compassion and practice empathy. I won’t ever claim to “know” what they go through, but I can try to understand their difficulties.
Thank you for your kind words and I will always be proud to call you my edubro. (fist bump)
That is so Awesome bro! You are AMAZING!! I sure wish Taylin’s teacher could hear this. We are really having a rough year. This is the first year that I have not liked her teacher. All her other teachers have learned how to deal with her and keep her busy so she doesn’t get bored. This teacher just doesn’t seem to know what to do. Luckily, Taylin is doing a bit better, but that’s from me talking to her. Just can’t wait til this year is over
The things you are doing are so wonderful and I hope you speaking to other teachers will create more teachers like you!
Love ya bro!
Thanks Sedge (my sister Heather). Taylin is a great girl and is resilient. She’ll bounce back, but yes it is frustrating when a teacher doesn’t want to work with the child.
I was fortunate enough to have a place at the right time with the right audience to share this story. I hope that it does make a difference, but ultimately it’s about changing the way we see others and doing what’s best for them–not what’s easiest for us.
Love you sis.
I love you. I’m not kidding.
Diane. We are kindred spirits. I am so glad that we finally got to meet. Face-to-face really solidifies those connections.
My take away is this, how wonderful it is to have the gift of time to sort through the immediate reaction of punishment. You are wise beyond your years.
It was a long night (a week ago tonight). I chatted with you, along with a handful of others — ambiguous Facebookish tweets included. I got a lot of great advice. And to be completely honest, I don’t think it would have gone as well as it did had she been their last Friday. It was a good thing that I had the weekend. Sharing the story in front of the audience was a special moment. It all clicked for me.
I still struggle though. Even today. I got upset with a student who chronically is disruptive. I can’t find the thing that works with/for him. I reacted, but it was an expected reaction. Tomorrow is another day though. We’ll see what it brings.
And thank you for your kind words. I’m not sure “wise” describes me, but I appreciate it
Jeremy,
An amazing story. You said it in the first comment, ‘it is more about creating a culture of teachers that use their heart more often’. More then often we seek to correct in a way that doesn’t nurture the character of a person, what you did was purely out of caring and fostering whatever can be positive out of a negative situation. Thank you for sharing, for inspiring and for just being a good educator with heart. We need more of this in our schools. Again, thanks man!
Paopao
Thanks Paopao. I’m lucky to have had this opportunity to share and I’m glad that it has had an effect on others. Granted not by my merits, but by those who have done the unexpected. Ivy in particular (the little girl who gave me the idea and a box of books to start). She doesn’t know me or my student, but saw an opportunity to serve. I will forever cherish her generosity and charity. I’ve learned a lot from all of this.
And you doubt yourself as a blogger, as a a teacher, Jeremy, that was beautiful. Thank you for making me want to be more like you.
It’s not “me”, it’s what we are all striving for. Love and compassion is a necessary part of what we do. Too many get caught up in the rush of outrage and the demand for justice. Each situation is unique like each of the students that are involved. There would have been little learned from a traditional punishment in this case. I’m glad I had the chance to do the unexpected and uplift in place of belittle. Pernille, your work is priceless. Thank you for impacting so many. I think we all need to be a little more like you
Dude, I’m here in my kitchen, Spotted Cow in hand, in my pajamas, tears in my eyes, giving you a standing ovation. Thanks for making a difference to someone who really needed it.
Well, I hope it wasn’t because of too many Spotted Cows
In all seriousness, thank you Curt. The unexpected (sorry, a little corny, couldn’t resist) response I’ve gotten from this has surprised and humbled me. I wish I could take the credit though. There were a lot that helped me. I was just the one that got to carry things out. Kudos to them.
Thank you for your compassion and understanding. You my friend are what is right in this world. You truly shape the next generation. If this any indication of how your doing it, you are doing it right!
Sincerely,
-Michael
Thank you Michael. While I try to do something like this each day, for all my students, I’m far from doing “right” (as you put it) everyday. It is a struggle to change and do the unexpected when faced with adversity/trials/confrontation. Thank you for your kind words and believing in what I do.
Thank you for reminding us to see the child and not the problem. Embrace the unexpected!
And embrace the child. Sometimes that unexpected hug is all they need. Thank you for taking the time to listen and read my story.
Thank you for sharing this; I love stories that are so human, so raw, so real. Seems to me you’ve found your “one word for the year” – unexpected.
This reminded me of a recent post, What makes people tick?, a look at the desires that drive people particularly in a social context.
Serendipity is one of my favourite words precisely because of the ‘unexpected’ element. So ‘there’s doing the unexpected’ but there’s also the ‘being open to the unexpected’. In a social world, it is give and take.
You’re doing good. You’re doing great.
cheers.
Thank you Malyn. It is give and take. You are definitely right. And I think that before we can be more prepared to “deliver” the unexpected, we need to be willing to accept and embrace it when it happens to us.
Cheers.
Thank you, Sir. Not just for sharing this, but for doing it.
I just hope that I have the same clarity of mind next time around. Thank you.
Wow….. You ARE amazing! A huge lesson for all of us to remember that we can not only control the situation by how we react, but we can also empower, inspire, and motivate by how we respond.
It wasn’t just me. I had a lot of help. Remember, I wanted justice. Mercy and grace didn’t enter my thoughts or even my heart until I had a chance to talk about it. I’m fortunate enough to have listened and felt the need to do the unexpected in this case. Each case will be different, and I hope that I can do the same for other students. Thanks.
Proof that there is no formula for the “perfect education.” It is about human connections, relationships, and how we choose to respond, every. single. day. It’s about kids. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks Krissy for sharing this story. We need that connection in all our relationships, whether with students, parents, colleagues, friends, family, whom ever. I try to practice it more, but my 6 year old is really testing me
Jeremy,
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that you are inspiring many others to think more often with their hearts. Kids do things for all sorts of crazy reasons, but one thing is for sure: they need adults to give them a chance to make things right and live up to their potential.
You are a gem. Your students are lucky to have you.
Your students are lucky have you. Tell that to my students…
They do, Joan, and as adults we should be able to discern that. Should be. An it wasn’t so much the “making things right” that I wanted to accomplish her, but “doing things better”. I feel she knew that she was doing something wrong, but that the sharing of the books was something right. The book drive and book trade is just a better way of doing what she wanted to. I’m not worried about replacing my books
Thanks for sharing this with me. Thank you for being brave. Thanks for loving kids. This is not self-promotion, it is inspiration.
Thanks Jabiz. I always appreciate your insight and enjoy reading your view on life and education. It helps keep me balanced. I don’t typically DM posts to individuals (I guess that’s twice now), but I always look forward to your thoughts. Thank you for thinking openly and sharing that with others.
Just wanted to say how glad I was to find this, this morning. It’s a whole vat of awesome sauce. Thanks very much for sharing- I wish more teachers (including myself) would share these stories of heartbreak and hope.