I’ve all but given up on my blog. I have let my workload this year become a soul-sucking monster. I have willingly been feeding it day and night in hopes that one day
I it will feel satiated. I’m learning that it never will. I never will. There is always work to do. Always.
It feels like the emotions that I felt back in February were from another lifetime. That experience feels distant. I had plans. We had plans. I was going to change that little girl’s world and save the day. Mills would have it’s first public library/book exchange. My student would soon feel like she had a special place in Mills. She would quickly gain confidence in herself and in her ability to make and keep friends. Her love for books would spread and everyone would be reading and sharing books throughout the community. Cue the sad trombone.
None of that happened. Life happened instead. We began to look for community support, but soon we lost contact with the individuals who had made promises. Local businesses and organization soon became too busy to collect a few books for this cause. My student was quick to create signs and posters to put up all over school, but they now sit, rolled up and half complete, collecting dust on my back shelf. She hasn’t mentioned the book exchange or the posters for over two months. But neither have I.
Sadly, nothing has come of this. Nothing. Her life hasn’t changed for the better. In fact, since this all happened, things at home have gotten worse. An individual has since been removed from the home by law enforcement and various government organizations are investigating a number of situations.
I wish I had an excuse. I wish I could blame my lack of follow through on some other life-halting crisis, but I can’t. I failed. Plain and simple. This has been weighing on my heart and mind for several weeks. I put off writing and reflecting for working and resenting. I allowed myself to work right through an opportunity to do more.
Fortunately my heart has grown because of all of this. I continue to advocate for our students at Mills. I advocate for more love and less condescension; for more patience and less pride.
I have plans still. My student will be in sixth grade next year. I still have time. I hope. There are other projects, similar to the one I failed to execute, that are looking for books. We’ll start there.